A passport to tyranny

THE burka row’s been running all week in my house. To put that into some kind of perspective, there’s ALWAYS a row going on in my house

Moat a legend?.....there is a reason

A LARGE section of British society can’t get their heads round the “RIP Raoul Moat You Legend” corner

Long weight for heroes

GO back just a couple of weeks. Team England had just been trounced by the Germans and the question was being asked — why did they fail us?

Drought of order

IT’S around this time of year that we are traditionally expected to have a chuckle at the announcement of hosepipe bans

Raise a Glasto a real festival

I MISSED Fairfield Parlour while I was perched precariously on a scaffold pole having a shit, 10 foot above a trench full of the stuff. I missed a few more acts queuing at the Salvation Army tent for a plate of porridge (or what looked like porridge, ...

Yank oil's a messy business

TWO thumbs way up to BP, it really knows how to get up the Yanks’ noses. After coating the coastline of America’s southern states with crude its beleaguered boss Tony Hayward decided to take his yacht out into the clear blue waters round the Isle of ...

Live and let diet

STOP PRESS: Unhealthy living is almost universal in Scotland.

Don't belive lies about the truth!

IF I were to print in this column that you were a bastard kiddy fiddling moron with a small dick and a face like a warthog’s arse I’d be in a spot of trouble. The fact that you’d come and punch my lights out would be the least of my problems.

Drugs issues's in a right ol'meph

OK, obviously I don’t know where YOU stand on the drugs argument and whether or not they should be legalised. But I want to because I’m in danger of splitting my arse sitting on the fence.

Eurovision is Te Deum

WHATEVER I say about the Eurovision Song Contest is going to seem like sour grapes to any foreigner chancing upon this page

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