| Scholes' derby winner means Chelsea are running scared |
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Thursday, April 22, 2010
by Daily Sport
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HE scores goals galore, he scores goals. Paul Scholes – he scores goals. Dying breed, regular goalscoring midfielders. I think there’s only him and Frank Lampard and James Milner who are still known for it in the Premier League. Statistics may prove me otherwise, but they’re the only ones who spring to mind. Steven Gerrard, maybe, but he’s changed his role about at Liverpool. I’m on about central midfielders who can find the back of the net again and again. Scholes is one of those special type of players, the ones you’d pay into a match to watch them alone. He’s worth money – either the fans’ hard-earned or the millions a possible fourth consecutive title could mean to his employers. That goal against Man City was typical of an old head at work. Never mind how many runs you make, it’s when you make them that counts. Everything else is hot air. And that’s from someone who, believe it or not, likes to run a lot. I can run all day, me – especially if there’s someone after me, like our lass. Or the tax man. That run of Scholesy’s couldn’t have been better timed if he’d have been driving a Swiss tram. It’s re-ignited the pressure. Narrowed the gap again. Squeaky arse time indeed. I bet Chelsea’s collective ring-pieces sound like a chorus of field mice going through a combine harvester.
I believe Ron Atkinson predicted both United’s late late show and Chelsea’s demise at the hands of the newly cocky Spurs. Nice one Ron – probably the first f***in’ thing you ever got right in your life. Congratulations. I wonder which identity bracelet he pawned to put his bet on that? Probably his 24 carat white gold special, complete with original engraving in that seventies style of flowing script that usually accompanied the clink of champagne glasses and the great smell of Brut.
By the way, talking of Flash-Harry’s, I think Spurs will get fourth. They’re still smarting after the cup and have suddenly got all cocky and devil may care, like a used car salesman giving it the old Lambert Walk down the Old Kent Road. Harry Redknapp knows all about run-ins. He’s had more than his fair share.
At the other end, Wigan’s smash and grab raid against fragile Arsenal heaped more shovelfuls of pressure down on the heads of Iain Dowie and Brian Laws. A relegation battle can feel like having a thousand tons of sh*t being dumped on you from on high. Which team can claw its way out of the sh*t heap and come up smelling of roses? I think the relegation places will go down to the last day of the season – hopefully the last kick. That’s what I pay my money to see – good old-fashioned entertainment. Oh no,hang on, I don’t pay for my ticket,do I? Well, I do pay for me own Bovril.
On the subject of money, I have been poached from Bardsley Vets by a shock improved offer which came out of the blue from their rivals, Harrogate Veterans. After a tapping-up session in the car park and brief contractual struggle in the pub, the deal clincher for my one game appearance loan deal was laid firmly on the table. Harrogate offered me sausage, beans and chips. We only got beans and chips at Bardsley. F***in’ get in there. It was a no-brainer. Easiest career move I’ve ever made. We beat someone or other – can’t remember their name but Andy Ritchie was playing for them. We beat them 5-2 in the quarter-finals of the cup. Match report? No problem. Windass hat-trick, game over. Bang, bang, bang – all headers. Just like the old days. For one brief moment I thought I was Paul Scholes, ghosting into the box and nodding the vital winner into the back of the net. Then I woke up on the Monday and I ached like f*** for the entire day. Glad I don’t have to play another four games, especially ones that will go down to the wire. Take more than a couple of sausages and a few extra jockies to get me over the finishing line these days!
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