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BUM FUN
KAREN: Hell no. It’s foul, absolutely revolting.
IRENE: I agree. I wouldn’t even do it out of curiosity. It’s not for that. I don’t get why lads want to do a girl up the arse. It’s a bit odd. Batty boys, I say. Go find a man to f*** if that’s your thing.
KAREN: I’m lucky because my boyfriend is not interested in it. That suits me down to the ground. I really don’t want a willy up my arse. I did it once and never again. I couldn’t sit down for a sodding week.
DRESSING UP
KAREN: I would if it was a nice outfit and the shoes were nice. If that is what makes him happy, then why not? I’ve got a few little dressy-up numbers. I’m probably more into little baby doll dress nighties and pretty lingerie than I am sexy uniforms or anything like that. Although I did put one of them on once and it got quite the reaction. I was living with an ex and he kept whinging that the house was never tidy. So one day for a laugh I put this tiny French maid’s outfit on and walked into the living room with the hoover. I was hoovering away and bending over in front of him so he could see I had no knickers on. Let’s just say the lounge didn’t get a very good clean.
IRENE: That sounds fun. I haven’t but I would. Funnily enough, I do have a PVC catsuit I bought for a Halloween party. It would be good to get it out again. I just worry I’d feel like a wally.
FAKING IT
KAREN: Oh come on, every girl has.
IRENE: I agree. Sometimes you can’t be bothered.
KAREN: You just have to because you can’t be bothered with all the arguments that follow. I think it’s better to just keep them happy. God forbid that you should damage their egos.
IRENE: Sometimes you just think hurry up, Coronation Street is on in a minute.
KAREN: Anyway, men can’t even tell the difference.
OUTDOOR SEX
KAREN: I’ve only done it once outside. It was on a beach in Benidorm. People were walking by and that made it more exciting that we could get caught at any moment. A change keeps it lively but I wasn’t very keen on the sand up my chuff.
IRENE: I would love to join the mile-high club and do it on a plane — that would be exciting.
KAREN: I’m not so sure, in theory I think it might not be as glamourous as it sounds.Come on, you might be at 30,000ft but you are still f***ing in a bog where some fat sweaty bloke had just done a big dump. Doesn’t scream sexy to me, love.
FIRST TIME
KAREN: So what was your first time like, then?
IRENE : It was absolutely rubbish. It was regrettable as I didn’t even like the guy. In fact, I regretted it straight after I’d slept with him.
KAREN: So why did you sleep with him?
IRENE: I don’t know. It was stupid.
KAREN: I regret my first time, too. I was too young and it didn’t last that long either.
WORST SEX
KAREN: The worst sex, now that’s a question. I’ve had quite a few crap experiences to choose from. IRENE: Mine was the first time I had sex. Like I said before it was awful, there is no other word for it. He just didn’t know what he was doing and it was over in a flash.
KAREN: Well, mine was a few nights ago — and I didn’t even get to the sex, it was that bad.
IRENE: Go on, tell all.
KAREN: Well, let’s just say it was over before he got it out of his trousers. I just laughed at him and he just ran off downstairs and left. He’s one of my close friends so I see him all the time.
IRENE: Until now that is.
BEST SEX
IRENE: It is with my current boyfriend. Every time we have sex it’s absolutely fantastic.
KAREN: How bloody sickening.
IRENE: It’s good because I love him. Sex is definitely better when you’re in a relationship, well for me it is. What about you?
KAREN: Probably with the guy I’m seeing now, who I haven’t seen for about six days. It’s the best I’ve had because he knows what he is doing. He’s very experienced. I can’t wait for him to get back. I’m going to give him a right good seeing-to. I will make it much more exciting.
WILLY SIZE
IRENE: It is what you do with it that counts.
KAREN: I agree. It is not the size of the boat but it’s the motion of the ocean. I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true. Oh, and a really long tongue can help.
IRENE: As long as it’s not really, really tiny that’s fine. You don’t want to think that you’re going out on a Sunseeker yacht and then end up with a bloody blow-up dinghy.
KAREN: I agree. If it’s not tiny and he knows what he’s doing that’s fine.The biggest I’ve ever seen is about 10 inches — it was huge. But I didn’t sleep with its owner.What was your biggest?
IRENE: I don’t know, I don’t carry about a tape measure you know, love.
THREESOMES
KAREN: I am so not into that. I’m in a relationship and would like to keep it between just us. I wouldn’t want to share him with another woman I would be jealous. It just does not appeal.
IRENE: I don’t think I would do it, it’s just not me. If I was with two guys I would feel too intimidated and with another girl I just couldn’t. I get jealous too easily.
BLOW-JOBS
KAREN: I’m not really over-keen on swallowing, to be honest. It really depends where you are. Sometimes you can be stuck in the middle of nowhere and sometimes you have no option but to gulp it down.
IRENE: Yeah, it definitely depends on the situation.
KAREN: It’s not that bad, though, swallowing.
IRENE: I do prefer to spit but sometimes there really is no alternative.
KAREN: But a least you generally get prior warning so you know when it’s coming.
IRENE: Yes, you can tell by their facial expression. When they start screwing their faces up like they are sucking lemons you know it’s jizz time. | 
