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Big society is cam's big con

Thursday, July 22, 2010 by Daily Sport .

SO the buzzwords of the moment are “Big Society”. That’s strange because everywhere I look things are getting smaller. Staffing levels, public spending, people’s attitudes. In fact, the only thing not getting smaller at the moment is the dole queue. Dave Cameron came out with his new plan to try to encourage us all to go out and volunteer. The idea can be summed up in these terms. Next time you see a dumped washing machine on the pavement that’s been there for ages, don’t call the council. Instead, you can organise a group of your neighbours to sort it out yourselves. But it’s okay, Dave and co are going to do everything they can to help you do that. It reminded me of life at the newspaper I worked at before moving to Sport Towers. They sacked two thirds of the photographers on the paper. Once they’d all been given the tin tack, they then had the front to place a series of adverts on their pages. “Send Us Your Pictures!” Of course, the only reason they were asking for readers’ pics was that there were no snappas left to take enough to fill the paper. This is more or less the same thing. Get the public to do the work for free and you don’t have to employ the professionals. The whole idea is just a smokescreen for cuts. And the government are expecting you and me to plug the gaps while paying for the privilege. Screw that — I’d rather leave the washing machine where it is.

MANCHESTER United have sold out their full allocation of season tickets yet again. That’s despite the best efforts of the Green and Gold campaign to put a spanner in the works by asking true fans to boycott the club. How disappointing is that? I am most certainly not a United supporter but this is still a massive blow. At the height of the campaign it seemed like they were on the cusp of actually achieving something and booting out the Glazers. It looked like some football fans at long last had begun to take an interest in who runs and owns the game. More than that they seemed to be flexing their muscles and demanding some say in club affairs rather than just being taken for mugs or cash dispensers. It may be that many of them didn’t renew and their places were snapped up by other people – in which case shame on them. This was a missed opportunity to really put the frighteners on footballs’ chairmen and show them that supporters can’t have the piss taken out of them indefinitely. Especially not at £40 plus a ticket.

SO LINDSAY Lohan has begun her jail sentence for being a pisshead. She may have gone completely crackers but the former Disney star is still hot as hell. I wouldn’t mind slopping her out...or banging her up
for that matter.

MILLIONAIRE boxer Amir Khan is a self-confessed virgin. Yep – I found that quite hard to believe. Especially when there is living proof that Kerry Katona is definitely not a virgin. Isn’t life strange?

I’LL TELL you what gets my goat. Moroccan goatherds stealing our overweight soap stars, that’s what! You’ll have heard about EastEnders star Cheryl Fergison’s unlikely romance with some bloke she found on the internet. His name is Yassin Al- Jemoni a shop assistant and former goatherd from Morocco. Now what could have attracted him to the 46-year-old, £100,000-a-year TV star? Let’s be honest, it ain’t her looks. Still, I don’t blame Yassin for shagging Walford’s Heather Trott,who clearly doesn’t have huge reserves of self-esteem. I’m just angry. Angry I didn’t think of doing it first.

PARIS HILTON was arrested on suspicion of possession of cannabis. Hold on – drugs, sex tapes and millions of pounds. Sorry, chubby EastEnders actress, but I’m switching my attentions to Paris. Now where can I get a goat?

I HAVE a special place in my heart for Russia. After all, where else in the world would an advertising company come up with a parasailing donkey as an advertising stunt?

I’M a bit of a latecomer to the charms of cricket but even I know that Sachin Tendulkar is a legend in the game. So much so in fact that The Tendulkar Opus – a book costing £49,000 – actually contains drops of blood from the little Indian batting magician mixed into the pulp. Jesus Christ, what a strange idea. I dread to think what bodily fluids The Tiger Woods Opus will contain.