Get this JT sh*t sorted! THIS John Terry business is all getting a bit depressing innit? Never mind the rights and wrongs of what he is supposed to have done. I don’t think there’s a single bloke holding this newspaper who hasn’t made some sort of f***-up in his personal lif ...

Robinho's like a racehorse, City need a donkey SO it looks like Manchester City are saying adios to Mr Robinho – for now at least. I think it is a shame but I don’t blame the kid.

I can turn Benitez into a double winner LIVERPOOL FC have been under fire recently but I think I may have just found the answerto their problems. The answer to the meltdown on Merseyside is cheap, quick, easy and can be found in the Menston Arms, Yorkshire

Robbie right to Savage cack hack I’VE got to take me hat off to Robbie Savage for tearing into that Radio Derby reporter live on air the other day. If you didn’t hear it, the reporter in question had said that he’d heard “rumours” that Derby players didn’t think the Rams’ backroom s ...

Clattenburg: is it a wig or a blow job? I DIDN’T see the incident that led to Craig Bellamy getting sent off for Manchester City. But I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the ref in question Mark Clattenburg will have not been in the best state to make any sort of decision.

Why I miss the tunnel of shove SOUNDED like proper fun and games up in Scotland last week at the Hamilton v Hearts match. Five red cards and a good old-fashioned tunnel dust up!

Bullard's fingering really hit the button! JIMMY Bullard’s celebration at Manchester City last Saturday was the best I’ve EVER seen. Forget all that golf club swinging, baby cradling or bow and arrow shooting bollocks – the team talk finger wag has shot straight in at number one.

Who wants to see Warnock dangled by his balls? INTERNATIONAL fame has been snatched out me hands at the last minute! My agent got a call last week asking if I could be on stand-by to appear on the next series of I’m A Celebrity Get me Out Of Here. Apparently, some Z list nobody was throwing a bit ...

Pearson's got to get Tigers off road to Ell I WAS both amazed and delighted to see Adam Pearson return to Hull City. And I was equally astonished to read that the club needs to find millions of pounds to stay afloat. F*** me, where’s all the money gone?

Southgate had to go to bring back fans I HAVE been going training every day with our lass, we’ve devised a unique and highly effective training regime. We set off on an 11-mile run and I have to chase after her. If I manage to get halfway through without collapsing she w*nks me off as a treat.